The Lonely Battle

So I was insulin dependent for about 7 years and things were okay. I lost some weight and managed to keep it off. Life was manageable.

Then I got a job and the Marketplace Insurance. They told me my A1c was too low for insulin. I’m like “You do realize my A1c is this low because I’m on insulin, right?”

Apparently they didn’t care. As doctors they had a script they had to follow and that script said Metformin. It didn’t work for me. It messed up my eyes, kept my blood sugars at 250 or above all the time regardless whether I ate or not. I took it for a month and then stopped it and changed doctors.

But I kept my A1c down because I watched what I ate and exercised. (Before Metformin, I was walking 3ks. I can’t do that now but I’m gradually recovering from what that medication did to me.) So low in fact I was informed they could never, ever prescribe insulin for me. So I was literally on my own with no medications to treat my disease except those which would make me sicker faster.

Enter natural medications. I know some people are skeptical. But I kept my A1c down below 6.5 for three years. However, I’ve got a problem. I’m getting older and all this stress of caregiving is really starting to take a toll on me. I’ve been through a lot in the last 2 years and although my To Do is like 7 pages long I don’t ever seem to make much progress or, if I do, manage to accomplish something, it then creates another page of stuff to do as a follow up to what I accomplished.

The lonely battle is that I had some kind of reaction earlier this year to something I was taking. My heart rate sped up. I started feeling like I was on speed or seriously over caffeinated. I stopped everything and took myself off all my herbs slowly over a period of about four weeks and managed to get back to normal.

In every way but one.

I stopped the Bitter Melon that had been working fantastically and started up with the Fenugreek, another herbal that affects blood sugars. And it worked great for two weeks then mysteriously stopped. I can’t figure out why it stopped but I’m not at my best. Exercise with Bitter Melon meant that I burned up sugar and was okay. With this new stuff, I can exercise until I drop from exhaustion and it has no effect on my blood sugar. So, back to Bitter Melon because the next step is going back on insulin. Because I’ll never get down to my goal weight if my fasting blood sugars are in the 160s.

When I was extra, super, overwhelming stressed caring for mom in her dementia, I stayed on the insulin and my fasting blood sugar was always high because I was under so much stress! Now it’s the same. I’m back in an uncomfortable place and hoping I can get out of it as soon as I can. I don’t feel great. I don’t feel terrible but I don’t feel like I want to feel.

So here it goes. Half a Bitter Melon. And if that doesn’t work then I’ll call the doctor and tell them I need to get fitted in somewhere on the schedule so I can fill them in on my situation. They already know most of it and everyone agrees I’m doing too much. But there’s no rest for the carers of the world. You just have to keep soldiering on and hope that a Higher Power can make things work whenever things just aren’t working at all.


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